10|22|08   America and the long road ahead

“Democracy (…) is but a buzz word for politicians, hardly a shining beacon of reality. (It) has long since undergone a transformation in the western world from being a philosophical and moral ideal to becoming a moderately clumsy tool for controlling a population from the top down.”

As many of you know, I am moving to the States next year to pursue my dreams of touring my music and trying to earn a living off of it. I am under no illusions as to how difficult a task that will prove to be, but I figure I only have one shot at life, one thing I care deeply about, so I have to muster the courage to go out there and try to tell as many human beings as I can about my music and convince them of its worth. I am excited about this, but I’ve also been having some serious doubts about wanting to build a life in America.

For most of my life I have thought of the US as my spiritual home. My mother raised me largely by herself, and mom and her parents were pretty much the only real family I had. Although mom and I lived in Germany whilst I was growing up, my grandparents lived in Indiana, where my mother was born, and so each summer mom and I would spend four to six weeks back with my grandparents on holiday. For me this was always a time of carefree existence. I loved my grandparents deeply and felt at home and at peace in the midwest. The world was quiet there, the people friendly, and I just always felt really tenderly cared for whilst there. Even though I never really lived in Indiana, I came to think of it as my true home, my one true place of rest and belonging.

Although studying in Chicago felt like a far cry from home, it was a time where my political and philosophical beliefs were such that I identified quite a lot with being an American. I’ve always fancied myself an individualist and, whether justified or not in my belief, came to see the United States and its people as a spiritual haven for people like me.

Moving to New Zealand didn’t really affect my identity at all. I have family here, but our interactions are based on courtesy, not love. And although I’ve made good friends here, I’ve never particularly bonded with New Zealand. Moving away from New Zealand – and I would like to ask for your forgiveness in return for my honesty – has struck me for years now as a life or death matter.

But whatever my reservations about living in New Zealand, I cannot help but admit feeling this sense of dread about moving back to America. Why? Because America is desperately broken and its people seem to have grown proportionately hostile in spirit.

Democracy there, like pretty much everywhere, is but a buzz word for politicians, hardly a shining beacon of reality. Democracy, in general, has long since undergone a transformation in the western world from being a philosophical and moral ideal to becoming a moderately clumsy tool for controlling a population from the top down.

Then, of course, there is always the tattered economy and the all-enveloping sense of despair and fear. Add to that decades of disgusting foreign policy, a lack of proper health care, all the recent military conflicts, the political tensions and divisions, the insufficiently educated masses, viral “us vs them” attitudes, rampant poverty, homelessness, crime rates and gun proliferation, the lost war on drugs, the never-to-be-won “war on terror”, spiraling living costs, religious fundamentalism, et cetera… and well… my excitement about the States is replaced by anxiety and cynical disgust.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more it’s becoming clear to me that I haven’t even mentally committed to sticking around in America for more than five or six months. I might end up doing so, but at this point it would only be due to lack of better options, or a dramatic change of heart.

Truth is, I just want to live humbly off of my music and travel the world for as long as I can survive. If I had the choice, I just wouldn’t settle, I would never linger longer than my whims would encourage me to, I would never be around long enough to learn how to hate a place. I would live without borders, without governments, without news, without guilt, without fear. Just me, my music, and the lost souls who come out each night to share their presence with me.


Yay! Check out the new Enright House Shop I just finished making! Even if you’re not the type of person who buys music anymore, do take a look at how pretty and shiny it is! :)

View Comments



  • http://www.mypeoplesvoice.com Kelly

    I actually think this might be a great time to postpone coming to America for any reason.

    With the world economic problems and the indebtedness of America. You might be wise to wait and see for a short time.

    At the very least, a few months after the election.

  • Misfit Mod

    Berlin with me?

  • http://www.capitalistmafia.blogspot.com Alexia Iscariot

    Oh Mark.

blog comments powered by Disqus